Yesterday’s SL Tribune ran an article highlighting an affordable community that is being built in the downtown SL area. I posted this article earlier today on my page but here’s the link for those of you who missed it. http://www.sltrib.com/ci_12561289?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib.com I love the fact that someone has taken notice of the need for affordable housing in Salt Lake and are willing to take a risk and do something about it to help people. As I read the article I was impressed with the thought the developers have about those people in our society who work every day for less than $10 an hour, most with no health insurance provided by their companies (another tangent). Then I read the readers comments about the article and my blood pressure rose with anger that people are so shallow and closed minded about the reality of society.

Comments such as:

“This does sound like the Projects-type apts. are coming to SLC...sorry to see that - I suppose to be expected in growing populated cities...”

“Beware when you hear "affordable housing" folks... it only goes downhill from here on out...I'm sorry.”

“Why don't we work on the wage side! You know education etc... so that people are not making so little per year.”

So here is my rant: Affordable housing does not have to equal the projects. “The Projects” are what happens when the community looks at the people who live in affordable housing with little regard and respect. It’s about how we treat people. Are the people who work in jobs that pay $7 an hour less of a person? They make those wages because to raise them would mean raising the cost of the service they are providing you. What service are they providing you? Let’s explore.

Low-wage earners are typically in service related fields; food service, mercantile, janitorial, etc. Even if we educated the people who are currently working in these jobs so they could get other jobs these jobs STILL have to be done and someone else will come in and do them. So why not raise the pay for these individuals? Why don’t we force the employers to pay livable wages? These appear to be a very sound argument. Now I’m terrible at math and never took an economics class in my life but even I, in my very simple language can see that this argument is full of holes.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if everyone earned a “livable wage”? What would that mean though? All those food service workers earning $7, for example, let’s pay them $12 an hour (still not livable but you get the idea). That’s an extra $5 per hour per employee. But let’s just look at one employee. Give her a raise of $5 per hour and multiply that by 8 hours for the day. That’s an extra $40 a day the employer has to come up with in profits, just for one person. Let’s say it’s a small business that employees say, 10 employees. Now the employer has to come up with an extra $400 a day. Where do you think that money comes from? It comes from YOU the customer by means of increasing what YOU pay for. Arguments are that you as a tax payer don’t want to pay for the housing? Well, either way you will pay, either as a tax payer or as a consumer. There is no way around it.

Why do we view poverty or people in poverty as a plague? Why are we so scared of those who live in poverty? Is it because we know that we could all be there one day? That each of us has the potential of losing it all somehow and being there and that fear drives us to look down on the issue as something that is “their fault” rather than an issue of our society as a whole? Having grown up in a family where, pretty much every year, our household income for our family size would have been considered impoverished. We had very little “extras” growing up and I know that more often than not my parents had to make critical choices about what would get paid and what wouldn’t. With attitudes that I read from readers today I’m surprised that I turned out as well as I did, according to their logic my family was poor because of uneducated, unmotivated parents and my sisters and I, should, logically, now be burdens on society and/or incarcerated.

Just recently, I was talking with a potential grantor and he brought up a low-income housing project and the issues surrounding that project now that it has been bought out and is no longer “low-income”. I stated that I had actually lived in those “projects” when I was in my early teens, that my family, in fact was the first family to move into those “projects”. He seemed shocked that someone like me had grown up in poverty and, at the end of the discussion said something along the lines of “Alison, can I congratulate you on being able to rise up and become so successful, despite your past”. Because my parents were poor I am supposed to now be a failure in life?

What is the point of my rant? Well, it goes back to a common theme found in some of my other rants. People are people and we should treat them that way. Look beyond their color, their income, their religion, their abilities or disabilities. Look past if we’re fat, or thin or bald or hairy and treat everyone as human beings. When we’re able to do this we’re able to see people as we see ourselves, that we all have strengths and weaknesses, we all have our good days and bad and we all have days when we should just wear a hat.

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.

It means I live my life MY way.

It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch...

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.

I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.

I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

Not Just a Myth

Can it really be true? Is it possible that there is a male here, in Utah who is smart, funny, oh so sexy (uh-huh) and a complete gentleman too? Okay, so he's not from Salt Lake, doesn't even live in Salt Lake, but he does, indeed live in Utah, although 90 minutes north in Logan.

Highlights: (pay attention single men, these are good things to know)

* He's wearing clean clothes (yes, I know it's a small thing but you'd be surprised)
* Opens my car door when I get in AND out of the car.
* Takes my hand right away to walk with me down the side walk (no hesitation, complete confidence that this action is acceptable - and it is)
* When passing other people on the sidewalk I was going to get out of their way and walk on the grass - he pulls me in close, puts his arm around me and says "there's no reason for you to walk on the grass, they're not any more important than you.
* We went to dinner and I ordered my own drink - wait, wait, this is good
* We go to Keys on Main and I run to the ladies room first when I get back he's ordred me a drink AND remembered exactly what I had ordred at the restaurant. "Hope it was alright that I ordred your drink". Are you kidding? Of course and thoughtful of you to remember what I was drinking, yes?
* And just so you know, his manners were impeccable, every time I got up or sat down from the table he would stand up, shook hands with everyone, was pleasant.
* He took charge, I LIKE this. I'm so tired of making certain decisions and it was a comforting feeling to know that a man has the balls enough to be in charge...
* Before he kissed me he said "Would it be appropriate for me to kiss you right now?" Answer, "hell ya!"

So, all you single ladies in Utah, yes, they do exist. What will come of this? Perhpas nothing at all, but it's so refreshing to go out with a gentleman and to know that they really, really exist, not just a mythological character from the past. Oh and did I mention he's military and mmmm...what a nice body, that's just a bonus of course but, oh yeah.

Best Friend or Stalker? You Decide...

Last night my friend and I decided to get some dinner and go see a movie. We saw Knowing, the new Nicholas Cage flick. Just an FYI, the ending is a bit odd so, um, yeah. You decide for yourself if you like it or not. I was so into it until the end and then I just burst out laughing...it's NOT a comedy.

As soon as the movie is over Shawn pulls out his cell phone. This is unusual for him as he has some of the best cell phone manners of anyone and doesn't use the phone if he's with someone else. But, all this week he has received late night calls from work asking him to come in the next morning (at 4:00) so he assumed all the missed calls he had received during the movie were from work.

He had 3 missed calls, a voice message and a missed text message. All of them from his best friend. I will never understand male friendships, truly never. This is his best friend but he hasn't spoken with him for nearly two months. Odd...anyway, he assumes something must be wrong because the messages all say "call me as soon as you get this message".

I go into the ladies room and Shawn calls Lincoln back. When I'm done in the rest room they are still talking on the phone (although at this point I don't know that it's Lincoln who called him so many times). I hear a few snippets of their conversation. But of course it's onesided. Here are the parts I hear.
"Just getting out of a movie"
pause
"Alison"
pause
"yeah"
pause
"yeah we hang out still"
pause

That is key to the rest of the story, remember that part of the conversatiion. One can infer that Lincoln asked "who are you at the movie with?" Again, dear reader, this is fore shadowing...

Shawn finishes his conversation and we go out to the car and drive back to my house. At this point it is about 10:45 pm and it only took us about 5 minutes to get from the movie theater to my place. I pull my car in to the spot next to Shawns car and we both notice that there is a little white piece of paper tucked into the drivers window of his car. Hmmm, what could this be? How odd that someone at my apartment complex would leave a piece of paper on his car window. I've lived there a year and that has never happened to me so I was pretty curious.

Shawn gets out of the car and pulls out the piece of paper and reads it. "It's from Lincoln" "What?" "It's from Lincoln" "Lincoln came here?" and the conversation continues: It's Lincolns business card. On it he's written "Call me bitch. Ya Fuck Nut!"

Now, I ask you to again refer back to the previous conversation that Shawn had with Lincoln not five minutes before. Lincoln asked Shawn who he was with.

Lincoln knew damn well that Shawn was with me. How did he know? Because he had been at my house trying to find Shawn!!!

I started laughing and said "Shawn, it looks like you have a stalker. Lincoln drove all the way to my house (He lives about 30th East and 90th South...far, far away from where I live) just to find you!!"

So, now I ask you, is Lincoln Shawns best friend? Or is he Shawns stalker? Either way, kind of creepy that he's driving all over the Salt Lake Valley just to find his friend.

Oh, and did I mention that I asked Shawn what was so important that Lincoln get a hold of him. Shawns answer: "I don't know, he just said 'oh, hey man, what you up to?' and that's all".

Like I said before, I just don't get men and their "friendships"

First Quarter Report

It’s the end of the first quarter of 2009 (not to be confused with the end of the second quarter of FY09). Personal mantra this year: “A loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter”. For those of you who read my original posting about this, you’ll recall that this was my mantra to help me remember what it is that I want and to not settle for anything less.

How am I doing at the end of the first quarter? Let me first start by saying that I have an amazing life! Really, I do. I have a job that I love, doing work that I love doing with a boss and co-workers whom I adore and who adore me in return. Mutual adoration is always nice.

I have three of the most amazing kids in the world. The amount of love that they show me every day is incredible and it’s hard to imagine that such little beings are able to have and show such a great amount of love. The progress they’ve made in the nearly three years they’ve been with Adrian and I is astounding and their resiliency is always impressive to me and those who see them. Not to mention that they are truly the most beautiful kids I’ve seen.

I have incredible, supportive friends, I tend to keep my circle of friends small, I always have but those in my circle I know I can count on whenever I need them. When I’m feeling particularly bitchy they’ll even go with me to warmer climes to escape everything for a day or two.

And of course, I can’t overlook my family. My mother is really an amazing woman who has seen her fair share of ups and downs in her life and she still will do whatever she can to support me and any of my four sisters. Yes, I do have four sisters. Granted, I am the most attractive of the four (haha) but they tolerate me none the less.

There is only one real gaping hole in my life and that is companionship. Prior to marrying Ado in 2000 I really did believe that I would be single the rest of my life. This is something that I just felt deep down, I couldn’t explain it, I just felt this way. As a girl I never got anything out of the conversations about planning your wedding, what the colors are going to be, etc. All of that seemed trivial to me. So, when I met and fell in love with Ado, believe you me, I was as shocked as the rest of you. Well, now, Ado is no longer a companion in my life. Sure, he still remains part of my life because of our kids, but he isn’t a companion.

My mantra for the year really did revolve around the whole relationship/companionship thing. If I do end up finding a companion for life, this time I want to do all that I can to ensure that it’s for real. One of my weaknesses (others have told me it’s a strength, I guess that’s all debatable) is that I fall in love very easily. My heart is capable of falling long before my head does and even then, it doesn’t take that long. Because of this I have to be on guard. A broken heart can heal but it does take time and while it’s in the healing process, it sure does hurt a hell of a lot. Because of this and because of the number of times my heart has been broken to one extent or another, I’ve begun to be cautious. Overly cautious, perhaps…but cautious, none-the-less.

My most recent heart break was right at the beginning of this year when one of my dearest and closest friends sent me an email explaining why it was we could no longer be friends. This, dear readers, was a severe set back for me. When a lover breaks your heart that is one thing, when a friend breaks your heart, that is something entirely different. For several weeks after this event I wanted nothing more than to have a man fall in love with me simply for the purpose that I could break his heart like mine had been broken. I know, pitiful and truly bitchy of me.

It was at this time that I recalled my mantra “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.” What is it that I want? Did I really, really want to get into a relationship based on a façade and under false pretense? Was it really within me to intentionally break the heart of another. No, that isn’t my style. That’s not who I am. However, during this time I went on several first dates. None of them went anywhere. Perhaps they were all reading the vibe I was sending out “I want to break your heart”. Really, not a very good vibe to send out to men.

Because of the never-ending line of first dates, and the ever elusive second date I opted, to take a break from dating. I was in a rut; the only men I was meeting were men online, and I was lowering my standards with everyone of them. My mantra for the year reminds me that I don’t want to be stuck in a rut and to not settle for anything less. Yes, I have joked around that all I’m really asking for in a man is that he wear a clean shirt but, I promise, I do have higher standards than that.

Oh, and I can’t overlook the other “relationship” that was going on during all this. I did meet a very nice, attractive, funny, fun to be around man on CraigsList just before Christmas. Sometime in February it was very clear to me that he really wasn’t interested in my for any type of relationship, however, we continued to “hang out” and act like we were in a relationship, except that we weren’t. Can we say Déjà vu ala 2008? I was not about to repeat 2008, that was a dreadfully painful experience the first time around, why repeat it. In fact, living through 2008 was the primary reason for my mantra. So, despite the fact that this man was funny, nice, attractive, etc, I had to distance myself. We had a chat one afternoon where I bluntly asked (and trust me, I can be blunt, perhaps to a fault) if he was in to me in any way besides friendship. And of course, my gut was right, he really wasn’t. I had to put some distance in that and we still remain very good friends and have a better understanding of what each other needs.

First quarter 2009 my mantra has served me well. It’s kept me out of painful situations and kept me thinking clearly about love. Does that mean the one and only hole in my life has been filled? I know, enquiring minds want to know…

That answer is, obviously, no. I still am missing a level of companionship in my life. A person whom I can call after work and debrief with. Someone with whom I can snuggle, cry, laugh and be myself. The person I can curl up next to in bed, even after a fight and when I put my cold feet on his warm ones, I know that everything will be alright and that he loves me despite my faults. But you know what, even though the tears are falling right now, I know that regardless of what happens in this arena, I’m going to be alright in life. It doesn’t mean I won’t miss it or be sad or feel lonely, but it does mean that I have a full life that will help me to fill the missing void until (or if) this missing piece if filled in by the correct piece.

Only in Utah!

Okay, so as most of you know, I decided a while ago to give up with the whole dating charade for a bit. It’s all so frustrating. So I’ve been going along rather nicely not worrying about it…sort of. And then tonight, I get another chapter in being single in Utah. This one is truly a totally weird experience.

It was my night with the kids tonight and I decided to take them to Mc Donalds. Cheap food and the kids can play for a while. So, I’m sitting there, minding my own business when this big family: mom, dad and five kids come in and sit down next to us, the dad sitting in the spot closest to me.

He starts chatting with me, something easy at first; “It’s easier than cooking, huh?” I respond, not sure what I said, and he just keeps talking…for about an hour. He told me all about how he and his wife had adopted 4 kids 5 years ago, and I mentioned that I understand. He asked me what I do for a living, asked me if I was single…etc.

Some time in there he extends his hand and introduces himself and his wife as well. I introduce myself. Then he says “maybe we can exchange numbers and hook up sometime”

WHAT? Did this guy just ask me for my number? Are you kidding me? I kind of laugh and say, sure.

Conversation continues for a while. Don’t remember what we were talking about but I was trying to fade out of the conversation by talking more with my kids, playing around with them, etc.

He and his family get up and leave and I’m pretty sure I’m safe when he comes back and says, “so, did you want to exchange numbers? You know, we can get together sometime.” He gives me a cad with his number on it and I told him I didn’t have my card or anything to write on or with. So, he runs out after his wife and asks her for a paper and pen and comes back. My kids start shouting out my phone number so I can’t give him a fake one and then that’s it.

Only in Utah can a woman be asked for her phone number by a married man in the presence of his wife…

"Can't we all Just Get Along?"

Thomas S. Monson – April 2008
“I would encourage members of the Church wherever they may be to show kindness and respect for all people everywhere. The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.May we also demonstrate kindness and love within our own families.”

Kindness: Kindness is a quality that is mentioned on a number of occasions in the New Testament. If I were to define kindness, I would say this: a kind person is helpful, pleasant and considerate. That sums it up quite well, doesn't it? But the only problem with that definition, is that it is in English! And sometimes the English language can be a bit vague. And so, because kindness is a New Testament word, I am going to look at some Greek words for "kindness". And in fact, when you do look at the Greek, you begin to see that there is more to the quality of kindness than you would think. Because the Greek definition of kindness has something more to say about the way God operates.

But first of all, I am going to read a scripture that tells us something about love:
1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love suffers long and is kind."

"Love" in that scripture is agape in the Greek. And agape means more than just an emotion; it is the love of God: which means it always acts in the interests of others. In fact, God is agape love. And, as it says in that scripture, agape love is kind. And that is from the Greek verb chresteuomai, which means "to be kind". It is just one of a group of words in the New Testament, which are all connected with kindness. So, that one sentence alone says something about how God operates. Because He operates in love, which is kind.

But when you look at the basic meaning of "to be kind" in the Greek, you find that it means to be profitable, or useful, or to furnish a need. And when the reference is to people, what it means, is doing what is profitable for them.

So what it boils down to is this: to act out of kindness means that you identify what the person's needs are, and then you do what is necessary to meet those needs. And we find out that is exactly how Jesus operates.

Respect:
Respect is simply an accepting of what another does as good, or at least not bad relative to ones own ideas, beliefs, and prejudices. Self respect is the same.... that is, one respects oneself when one is experiencing oneself not in conflict with ones beliefs regarding what is good and proper.

Love:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca - age 8

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." - Nikka - age 6

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren - age 4

Does it really matter if we don't think, feel and believe the same way? We're all just people after all, right? Love to you all!