Another Story in the Life of Alison --- May Not Be Suitable For all Viewing Audiences...

Some of this may be familiar to those of you who read Amy's blog the two of us had a nice rant today and she beat me to the punch on writing about it:

Saturday Night. All dressed up to go out dancing. My really good friend Amy and I head out to the club. We go for the music and to just let loose and dance. No expectations of meeting men but, of course, hoping we get noticed, but really, just there to dance. Going out and dancing is something Amy and I really enjoy doing, and do it quite regularly. Fun to get dressed up and fun to not have a care in the world when the music starts.

This particular Saturday we find a table next to three cowboys. We aren’t at a country-western club so they seem a bit out of place but they are all quite cute and we don’t mind having them at the table next to ours. In fact a couple of times we ask them to guard our table while we’re out dancing so no one takes our spot…tables are hard to come by you know.

Cowboys begin to relax a bit and start talking with us and we get all their names, although I can only remember one of them now. But that’s fine since it’s the one I can remember about whom I’m going to tell you right now. We’ll call this cowboy Brandon.

Brandon is a bit short for my taste but man, is he a cutie! And as my hand brushes against his arm I can feel that it’s ROCK solid! Hard as steel. I will now sound incredibly superficial – yummy! And then my hand brushes, accidentally of course (hehe) across his chest and once again, solid…YUMMMY (oops, I’m superficial again).

Brandon seemed like a nice guy, easy to talk to (well as easy as it can be in a club, right), was funny, and of course, as mentioned above, yummy! It is immediately obvious that he’s very much into Amy. However, he’s a nice guy so he buys us both drinks…I had already had my limit for the night so, although I accepted, I only took about one or two sips….he finished the rest off. Now, guys, women aren’t stupid. We can tell when you’re into our friends and when you aren’t into us. But, Brandon, being the ever nice guy that he is, still flirts with me as well. In fact, he suggests that Amy and I both go home with him, spend the night, and he would take us to breakfast in the morning.

NICE! The dream of most men to have two women spend the night, right? Well, having been in a marriage where the last four years of the relationship I played second fiddle to another woman, I had promised that I would NEVER again be the second choice. As I mentioned before, it was VERY obvious right away that Brandon was into Amy and not to me and although the flirting was fun, I’m not going home with a man who views me as being “second”. Plus, for those of you who knew me in the past and not now, yes, I have changed a lot from the person I once was, but not so much as to go home with a man I don’t know and just met an hour before in the club.

I thanked Brandon for the offer but turned him down saying “I’m really looking for more than that in a relationship right now.” Now Brandon was offended…”You don’t even know me, you don’t know what I want.” “You’re right, I don’t know you to make such a call, but it’s just not my style to go home with a stranger.” I did, however, continue to encourage him to work on Amy. She’s much less shy and reserved than I am and since she’s the one he was interested in, she’s the one that he would have a better chance with. I even coached him along a bit.

When Amy was called away to another table where some “boys” were interested in talking to her she went over and chatted for a while. Brandon said “see, she’s not interested in me.” I corrected him and advised that he walked over to that table, put his arm around her waist and whispered in her ear “I’m going to head to the mens room and then I’ll be ready to head out with you.” I promised him that if he had the balls to walk over to a table full of younger men and do that Amy would be well impressed. So, with a little encouragement, he did, and I was right…Amy was all over that.

After a few more dances Amy and Brandon left together and I went home. Texted Amy the next day. They had a great time, he was a super nice guy and yada yada yada…

Fastforward, if you will, to last night. I get a random text from an unknown number “what’s up” I respond…for those who don’t know, I just got a new phone and I don’t have all the numbers I used to have, so I respond just in case it’s one of the people whose number I have lost. Next text “When you gonna cum c me”. At this point I still don’t know who it is. My initial response is “never, since no one I know would spell come that way.” But, I resist and ask who it is. Reply “Brandon”.

Brandon? Cowboy Brandon? The one I met on Saturday night? The one who left the club with my wingman? The one who left the club and “yada, yada, yada’d” with one of my best friends? That Brandon? Now this is odd. He knows that we are friends. We were at the club together, we were telling him about each other…we obviously know each other very well…Surely he knows that I know that they…But then again, maybe he doesn’t get that, men are simple creatures, right?

We exchange one, maybe two more texts in which I ask if he had fun on Saturday night with Amy and his response was “it was alright”. Now let me get one thing straight here. I know Amy. I’ve known Amy for a long time. I’ve known men who have been with Amy and one thing I know for sure about Amy is that if a man is with Amy it’s NEVER just “alright” So, I think to myself, let the lying begin.

About this time I head for bed. I suspect that he is going to text me again and the last thing I want is to be just dozing off and to have my phone go off so, I turn off the sound and go to sleep. What a great night sleep I had! I found that when I sleep with an eye mask on I’m actually able to sleep sounder, but, I digress. I wake in the morning at 5ish to make my nightly trip to the bathroom and check my phone. Two missed messages. One at midnight and one at 4:30. I don’t check the messages. Just notice they are there and head back to sleep. Finally at 7 I wake up again for the day. I check again and one more missed message. 5:30.

So, I start checking them to see what they are and who they’re from. Brandon, Brandon, Brandon. All three are nearly identical in nature, all if and when I will “cum c me”. Does this guy ever sleep? So around 10:00 I ask him if he ever sleeps. His response? “I’m in bed now. U shud cum c me” the next several texts from him are similar in nature…

I know that you’re all bored at this point, and to be honest, so am I. So when he asks “do u want 2 cum c me?” I say “perhaps” and then call Amy to find out what the deal is. World to my male readers at this point…women do talk. We share stories, and experiences and don’t be fool enough to think that we won’t. Amy says that he’s been texting her all day too and it’s driving her nuts.

Okay, so this guy is now working us both. He tells her that he’s not at all interested in me, he just didn’t think she was interested in him so he was going to move on…oh dear! He tells me that she was just “alright”.

When I get off the phone with Amy, now, fully worked up and in total rant mode, there is another text from Brandon “what does that mean?” I think are you an idiot? Perhaps means maybe…look it up. But instead I say to him the best thing I have ever said to a man:

WARNING: WHAT FOLLOWS MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME. DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED

“Honestly, you already fucked my best friend. I don’t settle for second place and sloppy seconds aren’t my style. So with no more beating around the bush, I’m not interested.”

So, to my male friends out there take heed. Not all women will put up with your shit. Women will and do talk. The Dick Dial*(thanks Amy) is not cool…more annoying than the drunk dial, really. If the skinny friend turns you down, don’t move in on the fat friend. The fat girl isn’t stupid and any woman of worth, regardless of size, will not settle for being second choice.

To my women friends: Don’t settle for less. Don’t allow men to treat you like shit, even if it’s just in the early stages. Always put on your A game and expect the A game from him. If you get the C game, which is what most of us allow, then put your foot down. But, no matter what game your getting from him, YOU take the higher road, YOU put on your A game and YOU settle for nothing less than what you’re worth. Which, by the way, is everything.

Mythbusters: Men are Simple Creatures

I’ve heard it said by men all over the world: “We’re not hard to understand. We’re simple creatures really. We’re just straightforward. Take me for face value. What you see is what you get” And I think these “truths” have been said so many times by so many sources that women have begun to believe that this truly is the case. We’ve believed the lies about their simplicity, perhaps to a fault.

When a man says “I had a good time tonight and I look forward to seeing you again,” we go back in our minds and repeat to ourselves “Men are not hard to understand, they’re simple creatures really. Straightforward. Just take them for face value. What I see is what I get.” So, we believe that they really did have a good time. They really do look forward to seeing us again. And yet, we don’t. We go back to our homes and expect that he’s going to call us. And he doesn’t. So, we make, perhaps, one phone call or send one text. This is an upbeat message about looking forward to seeing him again, or having had a good time or thanking him again for a good time, something along those lines. And then nothing again.

So then we’re told, or we tell ourselves, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I shouldn’t have expected too much. But was it really me placing an expectation on him? Or was it me believing the myth about the simplicity of men? I didn’t ask if he had a good time. I didn’t ask if he wanted to see me again. Those bits of information for provided on a voluntary basis. So why am I the one who is frowned upon for getting my hopes up?

Men, if you are simple and straightforward creatures then why do you insist on saying things that are not straightforward. If you didn’t have a god time or don’t want to see me again then the straightforward comment is not “I had a good time and I look forward to seeing you again.” The simple, straightforward comment is “Let’s be honest, I really didn’t have a great time and I probably won’t be seeing you again. Good luck to you in the future.” THIS, my dear male friends, may be shocking for her to hear. She may be taken aback but, in the end it will save her hours of wonder. And if she’s ever so slightly psycho it will save you the many, many psycho crazy phone calls, texts, voice messages, etc. But, please keep in mind, not all of us are psycho. I will typically make one attempt at contacting the man. If I get no response I simply brush it off as him not being emotionally immature enough to say what he’s thinking. Oh well…not the type of person I want to spend a lot of time with anyway.

Now, I’ve mentioned this to many a man and the response I always get is: “I can’t say that to a girl. Then she’ll start asking a bunch of questions about why not and don’t I think she’s good enough for me and I’ll get dragged into a conversation I don’t want nor am I prepared to have.” I’ve heard this argument over and over and perhaps this is true with many girls. But not all. So I say to my women friends out there. If you want to know what a man is thinking o feeling then PLEASE don’t go psycho-bitch on you when he does! All you’re telling him is that you really don’t want to know the truth. You want to hear the right answer, not the truth.

For those of us who have children we’ve tried hard to teach our kids this lesson. Sometimes the truth hurts and the answer isn’t always yes. Deal with it. As women we need to take the same advice. If he tells you the truth and it’s not what you want to hear, deal with it.

Another level to the answer of “I can’t say that to a girl…” Well, perhaps you’re right. Perhaps you CAN’T say that to a girl. Try, however, saying it to a woman, maybe you’ll get a different reaction. In fact, try dating a woman, maybe you’ll get a different result than the one you’ve always gotten when you’ve dated girls.

I’ve been dating men between the ages of 30 and 50 and although they all SAY they want intelligent, honest women who don’t play the games, what they really want is a woman who will buy into the lie “I’m simple and straightforward. “

I know I’ve only talked about one area where this myth is inaccurate, but let’s be honest, no one has the time to keep reading my rant. Let me finish by saying:

Women: Don’t buy into the myth. Just like any stereo type, it may be the case that some men are simple and straightforward but just because he’s a man, doesn’t make it so.

Men: Either be simple and straightforward, like you claim, by telling the truth or stop claiming this to be the case.

Yesterday’s SL Tribune ran an article highlighting an affordable community that is being built in the downtown SL area. I posted this article earlier today on my page but here’s the link for those of you who missed it. http://www.sltrib.com/ci_12561289?IADID=Search-www.sltrib.com-www.sltrib.com I love the fact that someone has taken notice of the need for affordable housing in Salt Lake and are willing to take a risk and do something about it to help people. As I read the article I was impressed with the thought the developers have about those people in our society who work every day for less than $10 an hour, most with no health insurance provided by their companies (another tangent). Then I read the readers comments about the article and my blood pressure rose with anger that people are so shallow and closed minded about the reality of society.

Comments such as:

“This does sound like the Projects-type apts. are coming to SLC...sorry to see that - I suppose to be expected in growing populated cities...”

“Beware when you hear "affordable housing" folks... it only goes downhill from here on out...I'm sorry.”

“Why don't we work on the wage side! You know education etc... so that people are not making so little per year.”

So here is my rant: Affordable housing does not have to equal the projects. “The Projects” are what happens when the community looks at the people who live in affordable housing with little regard and respect. It’s about how we treat people. Are the people who work in jobs that pay $7 an hour less of a person? They make those wages because to raise them would mean raising the cost of the service they are providing you. What service are they providing you? Let’s explore.

Low-wage earners are typically in service related fields; food service, mercantile, janitorial, etc. Even if we educated the people who are currently working in these jobs so they could get other jobs these jobs STILL have to be done and someone else will come in and do them. So why not raise the pay for these individuals? Why don’t we force the employers to pay livable wages? These appear to be a very sound argument. Now I’m terrible at math and never took an economics class in my life but even I, in my very simple language can see that this argument is full of holes.

Wouldn’t it be fantastic if everyone earned a “livable wage”? What would that mean though? All those food service workers earning $7, for example, let’s pay them $12 an hour (still not livable but you get the idea). That’s an extra $5 per hour per employee. But let’s just look at one employee. Give her a raise of $5 per hour and multiply that by 8 hours for the day. That’s an extra $40 a day the employer has to come up with in profits, just for one person. Let’s say it’s a small business that employees say, 10 employees. Now the employer has to come up with an extra $400 a day. Where do you think that money comes from? It comes from YOU the customer by means of increasing what YOU pay for. Arguments are that you as a tax payer don’t want to pay for the housing? Well, either way you will pay, either as a tax payer or as a consumer. There is no way around it.

Why do we view poverty or people in poverty as a plague? Why are we so scared of those who live in poverty? Is it because we know that we could all be there one day? That each of us has the potential of losing it all somehow and being there and that fear drives us to look down on the issue as something that is “their fault” rather than an issue of our society as a whole? Having grown up in a family where, pretty much every year, our household income for our family size would have been considered impoverished. We had very little “extras” growing up and I know that more often than not my parents had to make critical choices about what would get paid and what wouldn’t. With attitudes that I read from readers today I’m surprised that I turned out as well as I did, according to their logic my family was poor because of uneducated, unmotivated parents and my sisters and I, should, logically, now be burdens on society and/or incarcerated.

Just recently, I was talking with a potential grantor and he brought up a low-income housing project and the issues surrounding that project now that it has been bought out and is no longer “low-income”. I stated that I had actually lived in those “projects” when I was in my early teens, that my family, in fact was the first family to move into those “projects”. He seemed shocked that someone like me had grown up in poverty and, at the end of the discussion said something along the lines of “Alison, can I congratulate you on being able to rise up and become so successful, despite your past”. Because my parents were poor I am supposed to now be a failure in life?

What is the point of my rant? Well, it goes back to a common theme found in some of my other rants. People are people and we should treat them that way. Look beyond their color, their income, their religion, their abilities or disabilities. Look past if we’re fat, or thin or bald or hairy and treat everyone as human beings. When we’re able to do this we’re able to see people as we see ourselves, that we all have strengths and weaknesses, we all have our good days and bad and we all have days when we should just wear a hat.

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.

It means I live my life MY way.

It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch...

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.

I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.

I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.