I'm Too Sexy for These Crutches

For those of you who know me well, you can attest that I'm not the most amazingly graceful person in the world. I have a very high tendency to fall, for no apparent reason at all and my balance has much to be desired.

I've been to many doctors and specialists about this problem and they have all come to the same conclusion, there is nothing wrong with me and no explanation as to why I face these problems. I'm perfectly healthy (well, except for my mild spurts of insanity, but those are manageable).

I've been trying to live a healthier life in the last year or so, and have reaped the benefits (down more than 40 pounds and still going) but, I have to say that healthy living can be dangerous.

Today, for example was a perfect example of how dangerous to your health being healthy can be.

I'm wearing a pair of slacks today, which, because of the weight loss are now a bit on the big side for me. (1st healthy thing, weight loss). I went to the soup kitchen and bought some lunch and brought it back to work (ok, not so healthy, but at least it wasn't burger and fries, huh?). I opted to take the stairs to our break room...I could have taken the elevator, I never do, but I COULD have. (Another healthy choice). As I'm walking down the stairs my heels catch on the baggy part of my pants, tripping up y foot, causing me to lose my balance.

My right foot, pretty much stayed where it was, the rest of me did not...As my right foot and leg wrenched up behind me the rest of my body pretty much slid down the stairs. As I'm trying to re-evaluate within myself what just happened, I hear a loud commotion, I look up and there are two of my fellow staff members who heard me fall, just looking over me to see if I'm alright.

Of course I'm alright, just a little fall, right? Nothing to worry about. It hurts like hell though and I inhale a few choice words so as not to desecrate my colleagues, one who is heading to the temple in just a few hours. I tell them I'm fine, I stand up and, oops...I'm not fine. I can't put ANY amount of pressure on my damn foot.

One of my colleagues is kind enough to find me a rolling chair. I sit down and, of course have my priorities. I'm hungry and I don't want my food to get cold and opt to eat prior to checking it out. My dear, dear colleagues find me some ice and a bag to put it in, I prop it up and start to eat. But, man, I have to pee, something fierce. Not sure how that's going to work...all these colleagues are male, btw.

After eating, I can't stand it anymore and wheel myself into the ladies room...yada, yada, yada...thank god for grab bars!

So, Chris,the kind soul that he is drives me to the doctors office. My doctor is HOT!!! Oh man, at one point he asked me if I have any questions and I don't think I even know what he said because I was too busy just admiring him. I even asked the nurse how she gets anything done with him walking around...too bad I wasn't bold enough to go beyond mild flirting with him.

The verdict. A very bad sprain, two possible fractures that the specialist has to look at tomorrow and lortab...Did you hear the heavens open when I said that? Yes, lortab...I have to keep it elevated and do some little exercises but all in all I should mend okay.

Oh, and about the crutches...Ick...so not attractive at all! Did I mention I have balance issues, couple that with the heels and crutches and it's a site to behold. GUess I won't be doing much dancing this weekend, huh?

Cheers all and hope you have a most excellent week!

Single Moms

Sometimes I just sit and admire single mothers. I don't know how they do it full-time, working to pay the bills, cooking meals, getting the kids off to school/daycare on time, keeping the house from falling down, and everything else they have to do.

I just spent the last ten days with my kids. This is the longest amount of time I've spent with them since the separation/divorce and man, was it tough.

Granted, I only have a one bedroom apartment so all of us are basically on top of one another for the entire ten days and that alone is a challenge. Every day at work I got multiple, and by multiple I mean about 20, phone calls about various and random things, all of which were prefaced by being emergencies "Mom, this is an emergency, we can't find the pasta you sent with us for lunch today", "Mom, this is an emergency, I tripped and fell on the carpet, it hurt", "Mom, this is an emergency, I just went poop for the first time today", "Mom, I just needed to call you and tell you that I love you".

I'll admit that last one is very, very sweet...but that one only came after a long lecture about what an emergency is and that if I get another phone call that isn't an emergency I'm going to go "mommy mad" when I get home.

Do you know what Mommy Mad is? I promise, it's something you don't want to ever see if you haven't seen it. It's a frightening site for all parties involved, especially mommy.

Back to single moms. For all of you single moms out there, I give you props, I know it's tough and overwhelming and sometimes you just wish there was a time when you could have someone to bounce it all off with; Thank you all for your great work!