A Loaf of Bread, a Container of Milk and a Stick of Butter

For those of you old enough to remember this little clip from Sesame Street it should bring back good memories. Those of you not old enough (or perhaps too old?) can go to youtube and check it out.

I’m not one to make New Years resolutions. My memory isn’t good enough to remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone to remember a list of things I want to accomplish for an entire year! My life is in pretty good shape and I’m happy about what I’ve been able to accomplish with it. No things aren’t perfect; I could eat healthier; I could be a bit thinner; I could be in a nice, supportive, long-term relationship, I could be a better mother. But, really, who does have everything? The thing is, I’m happy with what I do have.

Looking back at who I was a year ago and who I am now I can see a drastic difference between the two people. I’m much happier, satisfied and content with me just being me. At the beginning of 2008 I hadn’t slept for a few months and was in full-on depression state. My failing marriage had come to a head and things had quickly left my grasp and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would continue on. So, I set up a mantra for myself for the remainder of the year.

Life is shit; just try to get through it without getting too much of it on you. That was my goal and something that I tried to remind myself of repeatedly throughout the year, especially when times seemed especially bleak. And, I succeeded. In fact, I got through the shit of life smelling quite sweetly, if I do say so myself.

So, I decided to set myself a new mantra for 2009. One that is slightly more positive. “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”. The young lady in this skit knew what it was that she needed to pick up from the store. She repeated it over and over to herself so when she got to the store she knew exactly what it is she wanted.

Like this young lady, I know what it is I want out of life. I think that I’ve always known. But, about ten years ago I started dating and, with the dating, for some unknown reason, started losing myself. I began being a person I thought the men in my life wanted me to be and in so doing, I lost who I was. I lost myself. Well, didn’t really lose, but forgot who it was that I really am.

Last year was a time of re-discovery. I owe a lot of this to one particular person in my life…and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you know who you are ;) You helped me to realize that I can be happy with me, just who I am. And I don’t need a man, or anyone else to validate that for me. But, I can’t overlook the work that I personally did as well. It was a fun year for me and in retrospect I’m glad that I went through it.

Now that I’m well on the way to finding Alison, it’s important for me to remember that I won’t settle for less than what I want and deserve anymore. Even if he is really hot . A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter is my reminder of who I am and what it is that I deserve.

Happy New Year to you all and I hope that if you’ve lost yourself you can find you again. If you haven’t then hold on to who you are.