It’s the end of the first quarter of 2009 (not to be confused with the end of the second quarter of FY09). Personal mantra this year: “A loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter”. For those of you who read my original posting about this, you’ll recall that this was my mantra to help me remember what it is that I want and to not settle for anything less.
How am I doing at the end of the first quarter? Let me first start by saying that I have an amazing life! Really, I do. I have a job that I love, doing work that I love doing with a boss and co-workers whom I adore and who adore me in return. Mutual adoration is always nice.
I have three of the most amazing kids in the world. The amount of love that they show me every day is incredible and it’s hard to imagine that such little beings are able to have and show such a great amount of love. The progress they’ve made in the nearly three years they’ve been with Adrian and I is astounding and their resiliency is always impressive to me and those who see them. Not to mention that they are truly the most beautiful kids I’ve seen.
I have incredible, supportive friends, I tend to keep my circle of friends small, I always have but those in my circle I know I can count on whenever I need them. When I’m feeling particularly bitchy they’ll even go with me to warmer climes to escape everything for a day or two.
And of course, I can’t overlook my family. My mother is really an amazing woman who has seen her fair share of ups and downs in her life and she still will do whatever she can to support me and any of my four sisters. Yes, I do have four sisters. Granted, I am the most attractive of the four (haha) but they tolerate me none the less.
There is only one real gaping hole in my life and that is companionship. Prior to marrying Ado in 2000 I really did believe that I would be single the rest of my life. This is something that I just felt deep down, I couldn’t explain it, I just felt this way. As a girl I never got anything out of the conversations about planning your wedding, what the colors are going to be, etc. All of that seemed trivial to me. So, when I met and fell in love with Ado, believe you me, I was as shocked as the rest of you. Well, now, Ado is no longer a companion in my life. Sure, he still remains part of my life because of our kids, but he isn’t a companion.
My mantra for the year really did revolve around the whole relationship/companionship thing. If I do end up finding a companion for life, this time I want to do all that I can to ensure that it’s for real. One of my weaknesses (others have told me it’s a strength, I guess that’s all debatable) is that I fall in love very easily. My heart is capable of falling long before my head does and even then, it doesn’t take that long. Because of this I have to be on guard. A broken heart can heal but it does take time and while it’s in the healing process, it sure does hurt a hell of a lot. Because of this and because of the number of times my heart has been broken to one extent or another, I’ve begun to be cautious. Overly cautious, perhaps…but cautious, none-the-less.
My most recent heart break was right at the beginning of this year when one of my dearest and closest friends sent me an email explaining why it was we could no longer be friends. This, dear readers, was a severe set back for me. When a lover breaks your heart that is one thing, when a friend breaks your heart, that is something entirely different. For several weeks after this event I wanted nothing more than to have a man fall in love with me simply for the purpose that I could break his heart like mine had been broken. I know, pitiful and truly bitchy of me.
It was at this time that I recalled my mantra “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.” What is it that I want? Did I really, really want to get into a relationship based on a façade and under false pretense? Was it really within me to intentionally break the heart of another. No, that isn’t my style. That’s not who I am. However, during this time I went on several first dates. None of them went anywhere. Perhaps they were all reading the vibe I was sending out “I want to break your heart”. Really, not a very good vibe to send out to men.
Because of the never-ending line of first dates, and the ever elusive second date I opted, to take a break from dating. I was in a rut; the only men I was meeting were men online, and I was lowering my standards with everyone of them. My mantra for the year reminds me that I don’t want to be stuck in a rut and to not settle for anything less. Yes, I have joked around that all I’m really asking for in a man is that he wear a clean shirt but, I promise, I do have higher standards than that.
Oh, and I can’t overlook the other “relationship” that was going on during all this. I did meet a very nice, attractive, funny, fun to be around man on CraigsList just before Christmas. Sometime in February it was very clear to me that he really wasn’t interested in my for any type of relationship, however, we continued to “hang out” and act like we were in a relationship, except that we weren’t. Can we say Déjà vu ala 2008? I was not about to repeat 2008, that was a dreadfully painful experience the first time around, why repeat it. In fact, living through 2008 was the primary reason for my mantra. So, despite the fact that this man was funny, nice, attractive, etc, I had to distance myself. We had a chat one afternoon where I bluntly asked (and trust me, I can be blunt, perhaps to a fault) if he was in to me in any way besides friendship. And of course, my gut was right, he really wasn’t. I had to put some distance in that and we still remain very good friends and have a better understanding of what each other needs.
First quarter 2009 my mantra has served me well. It’s kept me out of painful situations and kept me thinking clearly about love. Does that mean the one and only hole in my life has been filled? I know, enquiring minds want to know…
That answer is, obviously, no. I still am missing a level of companionship in my life. A person whom I can call after work and debrief with. Someone with whom I can snuggle, cry, laugh and be myself. The person I can curl up next to in bed, even after a fight and when I put my cold feet on his warm ones, I know that everything will be alright and that he loves me despite my faults. But you know what, even though the tears are falling right now, I know that regardless of what happens in this arena, I’m going to be alright in life. It doesn’t mean I won’t miss it or be sad or feel lonely, but it does mean that I have a full life that will help me to fill the missing void until (or if) this missing piece if filled in by the correct piece.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Only in Utah!
Okay, so as most of you know, I decided a while ago to give up with the whole dating charade for a bit. It’s all so frustrating. So I’ve been going along rather nicely not worrying about it…sort of. And then tonight, I get another chapter in being single in Utah. This one is truly a totally weird experience.
It was my night with the kids tonight and I decided to take them to Mc Donalds. Cheap food and the kids can play for a while. So, I’m sitting there, minding my own business when this big family: mom, dad and five kids come in and sit down next to us, the dad sitting in the spot closest to me.
He starts chatting with me, something easy at first; “It’s easier than cooking, huh?” I respond, not sure what I said, and he just keeps talking…for about an hour. He told me all about how he and his wife had adopted 4 kids 5 years ago, and I mentioned that I understand. He asked me what I do for a living, asked me if I was single…etc.
Some time in there he extends his hand and introduces himself and his wife as well. I introduce myself. Then he says “maybe we can exchange numbers and hook up sometime”
WHAT? Did this guy just ask me for my number? Are you kidding me? I kind of laugh and say, sure.
Conversation continues for a while. Don’t remember what we were talking about but I was trying to fade out of the conversation by talking more with my kids, playing around with them, etc.
He and his family get up and leave and I’m pretty sure I’m safe when he comes back and says, “so, did you want to exchange numbers? You know, we can get together sometime.” He gives me a cad with his number on it and I told him I didn’t have my card or anything to write on or with. So, he runs out after his wife and asks her for a paper and pen and comes back. My kids start shouting out my phone number so I can’t give him a fake one and then that’s it.
Only in Utah can a woman be asked for her phone number by a married man in the presence of his wife…
It was my night with the kids tonight and I decided to take them to Mc Donalds. Cheap food and the kids can play for a while. So, I’m sitting there, minding my own business when this big family: mom, dad and five kids come in and sit down next to us, the dad sitting in the spot closest to me.
He starts chatting with me, something easy at first; “It’s easier than cooking, huh?” I respond, not sure what I said, and he just keeps talking…for about an hour. He told me all about how he and his wife had adopted 4 kids 5 years ago, and I mentioned that I understand. He asked me what I do for a living, asked me if I was single…etc.
Some time in there he extends his hand and introduces himself and his wife as well. I introduce myself. Then he says “maybe we can exchange numbers and hook up sometime”
WHAT? Did this guy just ask me for my number? Are you kidding me? I kind of laugh and say, sure.
Conversation continues for a while. Don’t remember what we were talking about but I was trying to fade out of the conversation by talking more with my kids, playing around with them, etc.
He and his family get up and leave and I’m pretty sure I’m safe when he comes back and says, “so, did you want to exchange numbers? You know, we can get together sometime.” He gives me a cad with his number on it and I told him I didn’t have my card or anything to write on or with. So, he runs out after his wife and asks her for a paper and pen and comes back. My kids start shouting out my phone number so I can’t give him a fake one and then that’s it.
Only in Utah can a woman be asked for her phone number by a married man in the presence of his wife…
Friday, March 13, 2009
"Can't we all Just Get Along?"
Thomas S. Monson – April 2008
“I would encourage members of the Church wherever they may be to show kindness and respect for all people everywhere. The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.May we also demonstrate kindness and love within our own families.”
Kindness: Kindness is a quality that is mentioned on a number of occasions in the New Testament. If I were to define kindness, I would say this: a kind person is helpful, pleasant and considerate. That sums it up quite well, doesn't it? But the only problem with that definition, is that it is in English! And sometimes the English language can be a bit vague. And so, because kindness is a New Testament word, I am going to look at some Greek words for "kindness". And in fact, when you do look at the Greek, you begin to see that there is more to the quality of kindness than you would think. Because the Greek definition of kindness has something more to say about the way God operates.
But first of all, I am going to read a scripture that tells us something about love:
1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love suffers long and is kind."
"Love" in that scripture is agape in the Greek. And agape means more than just an emotion; it is the love of God: which means it always acts in the interests of others. In fact, God is agape love. And, as it says in that scripture, agape love is kind. And that is from the Greek verb chresteuomai, which means "to be kind". It is just one of a group of words in the New Testament, which are all connected with kindness. So, that one sentence alone says something about how God operates. Because He operates in love, which is kind.
But when you look at the basic meaning of "to be kind" in the Greek, you find that it means to be profitable, or useful, or to furnish a need. And when the reference is to people, what it means, is doing what is profitable for them.
So what it boils down to is this: to act out of kindness means that you identify what the person's needs are, and then you do what is necessary to meet those needs. And we find out that is exactly how Jesus operates.
Respect:
Respect is simply an accepting of what another does as good, or at least not bad relative to ones own ideas, beliefs, and prejudices. Self respect is the same.... that is, one respects oneself when one is experiencing oneself not in conflict with ones beliefs regarding what is good and proper.
Love:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca - age 8
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." - Nikka - age 6
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren - age 4
Does it really matter if we don't think, feel and believe the same way? We're all just people after all, right? Love to you all!
“I would encourage members of the Church wherever they may be to show kindness and respect for all people everywhere. The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.May we also demonstrate kindness and love within our own families.”
Kindness: Kindness is a quality that is mentioned on a number of occasions in the New Testament. If I were to define kindness, I would say this: a kind person is helpful, pleasant and considerate. That sums it up quite well, doesn't it? But the only problem with that definition, is that it is in English! And sometimes the English language can be a bit vague. And so, because kindness is a New Testament word, I am going to look at some Greek words for "kindness". And in fact, when you do look at the Greek, you begin to see that there is more to the quality of kindness than you would think. Because the Greek definition of kindness has something more to say about the way God operates.
But first of all, I am going to read a scripture that tells us something about love:
1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love suffers long and is kind."
"Love" in that scripture is agape in the Greek. And agape means more than just an emotion; it is the love of God: which means it always acts in the interests of others. In fact, God is agape love. And, as it says in that scripture, agape love is kind. And that is from the Greek verb chresteuomai, which means "to be kind". It is just one of a group of words in the New Testament, which are all connected with kindness. So, that one sentence alone says something about how God operates. Because He operates in love, which is kind.
But when you look at the basic meaning of "to be kind" in the Greek, you find that it means to be profitable, or useful, or to furnish a need. And when the reference is to people, what it means, is doing what is profitable for them.
So what it boils down to is this: to act out of kindness means that you identify what the person's needs are, and then you do what is necessary to meet those needs. And we find out that is exactly how Jesus operates.
Respect:
Respect is simply an accepting of what another does as good, or at least not bad relative to ones own ideas, beliefs, and prejudices. Self respect is the same.... that is, one respects oneself when one is experiencing oneself not in conflict with ones beliefs regarding what is good and proper.
Love:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca - age 8
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." - Nikka - age 6
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren - age 4
Does it really matter if we don't think, feel and believe the same way? We're all just people after all, right? Love to you all!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm Too Sexy for These Crutches
For those of you who know me well, you can attest that I'm not the most amazingly graceful person in the world. I have a very high tendency to fall, for no apparent reason at all and my balance has much to be desired.
I've been to many doctors and specialists about this problem and they have all come to the same conclusion, there is nothing wrong with me and no explanation as to why I face these problems. I'm perfectly healthy (well, except for my mild spurts of insanity, but those are manageable).
I've been trying to live a healthier life in the last year or so, and have reaped the benefits (down more than 40 pounds and still going) but, I have to say that healthy living can be dangerous.
Today, for example was a perfect example of how dangerous to your health being healthy can be.
I'm wearing a pair of slacks today, which, because of the weight loss are now a bit on the big side for me. (1st healthy thing, weight loss). I went to the soup kitchen and bought some lunch and brought it back to work (ok, not so healthy, but at least it wasn't burger and fries, huh?). I opted to take the stairs to our break room...I could have taken the elevator, I never do, but I COULD have. (Another healthy choice). As I'm walking down the stairs my heels catch on the baggy part of my pants, tripping up y foot, causing me to lose my balance.
My right foot, pretty much stayed where it was, the rest of me did not...As my right foot and leg wrenched up behind me the rest of my body pretty much slid down the stairs. As I'm trying to re-evaluate within myself what just happened, I hear a loud commotion, I look up and there are two of my fellow staff members who heard me fall, just looking over me to see if I'm alright.
Of course I'm alright, just a little fall, right? Nothing to worry about. It hurts like hell though and I inhale a few choice words so as not to desecrate my colleagues, one who is heading to the temple in just a few hours. I tell them I'm fine, I stand up and, oops...I'm not fine. I can't put ANY amount of pressure on my damn foot.
One of my colleagues is kind enough to find me a rolling chair. I sit down and, of course have my priorities. I'm hungry and I don't want my food to get cold and opt to eat prior to checking it out. My dear, dear colleagues find me some ice and a bag to put it in, I prop it up and start to eat. But, man, I have to pee, something fierce. Not sure how that's going to work...all these colleagues are male, btw.
After eating, I can't stand it anymore and wheel myself into the ladies room...yada, yada, yada...thank god for grab bars!
So, Chris,the kind soul that he is drives me to the doctors office. My doctor is HOT!!! Oh man, at one point he asked me if I have any questions and I don't think I even know what he said because I was too busy just admiring him. I even asked the nurse how she gets anything done with him walking around...too bad I wasn't bold enough to go beyond mild flirting with him.
The verdict. A very bad sprain, two possible fractures that the specialist has to look at tomorrow and lortab...Did you hear the heavens open when I said that? Yes, lortab...I have to keep it elevated and do some little exercises but all in all I should mend okay.
Oh, and about the crutches...Ick...so not attractive at all! Did I mention I have balance issues, couple that with the heels and crutches and it's a site to behold. GUess I won't be doing much dancing this weekend, huh?
Cheers all and hope you have a most excellent week!
I've been to many doctors and specialists about this problem and they have all come to the same conclusion, there is nothing wrong with me and no explanation as to why I face these problems. I'm perfectly healthy (well, except for my mild spurts of insanity, but those are manageable).
I've been trying to live a healthier life in the last year or so, and have reaped the benefits (down more than 40 pounds and still going) but, I have to say that healthy living can be dangerous.
Today, for example was a perfect example of how dangerous to your health being healthy can be.
I'm wearing a pair of slacks today, which, because of the weight loss are now a bit on the big side for me. (1st healthy thing, weight loss). I went to the soup kitchen and bought some lunch and brought it back to work (ok, not so healthy, but at least it wasn't burger and fries, huh?). I opted to take the stairs to our break room...I could have taken the elevator, I never do, but I COULD have. (Another healthy choice). As I'm walking down the stairs my heels catch on the baggy part of my pants, tripping up y foot, causing me to lose my balance.
My right foot, pretty much stayed where it was, the rest of me did not...As my right foot and leg wrenched up behind me the rest of my body pretty much slid down the stairs. As I'm trying to re-evaluate within myself what just happened, I hear a loud commotion, I look up and there are two of my fellow staff members who heard me fall, just looking over me to see if I'm alright.
Of course I'm alright, just a little fall, right? Nothing to worry about. It hurts like hell though and I inhale a few choice words so as not to desecrate my colleagues, one who is heading to the temple in just a few hours. I tell them I'm fine, I stand up and, oops...I'm not fine. I can't put ANY amount of pressure on my damn foot.
One of my colleagues is kind enough to find me a rolling chair. I sit down and, of course have my priorities. I'm hungry and I don't want my food to get cold and opt to eat prior to checking it out. My dear, dear colleagues find me some ice and a bag to put it in, I prop it up and start to eat. But, man, I have to pee, something fierce. Not sure how that's going to work...all these colleagues are male, btw.
After eating, I can't stand it anymore and wheel myself into the ladies room...yada, yada, yada...thank god for grab bars!
So, Chris,the kind soul that he is drives me to the doctors office. My doctor is HOT!!! Oh man, at one point he asked me if I have any questions and I don't think I even know what he said because I was too busy just admiring him. I even asked the nurse how she gets anything done with him walking around...too bad I wasn't bold enough to go beyond mild flirting with him.
The verdict. A very bad sprain, two possible fractures that the specialist has to look at tomorrow and lortab...Did you hear the heavens open when I said that? Yes, lortab...I have to keep it elevated and do some little exercises but all in all I should mend okay.
Oh, and about the crutches...Ick...so not attractive at all! Did I mention I have balance issues, couple that with the heels and crutches and it's a site to behold. GUess I won't be doing much dancing this weekend, huh?
Cheers all and hope you have a most excellent week!
Single Moms
Sometimes I just sit and admire single mothers. I don't know how they do it full-time, working to pay the bills, cooking meals, getting the kids off to school/daycare on time, keeping the house from falling down, and everything else they have to do.
I just spent the last ten days with my kids. This is the longest amount of time I've spent with them since the separation/divorce and man, was it tough.
Granted, I only have a one bedroom apartment so all of us are basically on top of one another for the entire ten days and that alone is a challenge. Every day at work I got multiple, and by multiple I mean about 20, phone calls about various and random things, all of which were prefaced by being emergencies "Mom, this is an emergency, we can't find the pasta you sent with us for lunch today", "Mom, this is an emergency, I tripped and fell on the carpet, it hurt", "Mom, this is an emergency, I just went poop for the first time today", "Mom, I just needed to call you and tell you that I love you".
I'll admit that last one is very, very sweet...but that one only came after a long lecture about what an emergency is and that if I get another phone call that isn't an emergency I'm going to go "mommy mad" when I get home.
Do you know what Mommy Mad is? I promise, it's something you don't want to ever see if you haven't seen it. It's a frightening site for all parties involved, especially mommy.
Back to single moms. For all of you single moms out there, I give you props, I know it's tough and overwhelming and sometimes you just wish there was a time when you could have someone to bounce it all off with; Thank you all for your great work!
I just spent the last ten days with my kids. This is the longest amount of time I've spent with them since the separation/divorce and man, was it tough.
Granted, I only have a one bedroom apartment so all of us are basically on top of one another for the entire ten days and that alone is a challenge. Every day at work I got multiple, and by multiple I mean about 20, phone calls about various and random things, all of which were prefaced by being emergencies "Mom, this is an emergency, we can't find the pasta you sent with us for lunch today", "Mom, this is an emergency, I tripped and fell on the carpet, it hurt", "Mom, this is an emergency, I just went poop for the first time today", "Mom, I just needed to call you and tell you that I love you".
I'll admit that last one is very, very sweet...but that one only came after a long lecture about what an emergency is and that if I get another phone call that isn't an emergency I'm going to go "mommy mad" when I get home.
Do you know what Mommy Mad is? I promise, it's something you don't want to ever see if you haven't seen it. It's a frightening site for all parties involved, especially mommy.
Back to single moms. For all of you single moms out there, I give you props, I know it's tough and overwhelming and sometimes you just wish there was a time when you could have someone to bounce it all off with; Thank you all for your great work!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Random Things
Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).
1. I've moved more times in my life than anyone I know. (38 times and I'm only 34 years old)
2. I have the three most beautiful kids in the world, but have never conceived a child nor given birth. Ironically, I'm always told that my middle child looks exactly like me.
3. For the first ten years after leaving high school I spent more time living outside of the US than inside. Would be nice if I could keep that up, however with kids that won't be happening any time soon.
4. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor spelling. I can deal with typos but poor spelling and the misuse of words such as too and to, or were, where, we're, etc drives me absolutely crazy.
5. I started working at my company in 1999 and still feel like a total noobie when it comes to the work. I ask myself often when I will no loner feel this way.
6. I have a degree in music education and was once placed second best university clarinetist in the state, I haven't touched my clarinet for anything serious in years and still hope to one day be a guest soloist for the Utah Symphony.
7. I have four sisters and no brothers, yet 98% of my closest friends are all males...Women tend to drive me crazy.
8. Poor parenting in public places drives me crazy and I never hesitate to tell children off who behaving poorly, such as shoving past people, talking overly loud, or just being out right obnoxious. I don't care if I know the children or their parents or not. This has gotten me into trouble with parents in the past but hey, if you taught your child manners then I, a total stranger, wouldn't have to.
9. It only occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that when I wear heels I'm nearly six feet tall. I never realized how freaking tall I am. I always thought I was of average height.
10. It never ceases to amaze me why people at the airport all just stand in lines for hours waiting to get on the plane. And that they all stand up right when the plane lands just to stand there and wait for the people in front of them. Stay seated until it's your turn...I'm just saying.
11. I enjoy crying and am not ashamed of it.
12. I absolutely love Karaoke!
13. I believe in love! I believe in falling in love and despite many a broken heart, I enjoy the feeling of falling in love and being in love and hope that I never become hardened and disbelieve in love.
14. I want my girls to know that they can be happy, healthy women and that their happiness should never be dependent upon anyone else. It can be shared with someone else but not be dependent upon anyone else.
15. I had an amazing person enter my life about a year ago who helped me realize within myself what I just mentioned in number 14. I will be eternally grateful to him!
16. I forgot who Alison was for several years of my adult life. That will never happen again to me.
17. I believe that every person has the right to marry whomever they choose!
18. Life is so much better when pets are not involved. I don't believe in having pets.
19. I still get ID'd and love it!
20. My worst ever injury is a cut on my finger that required two stitches while in the third grade.
21. My parents nearly gave me the middle name of Sariah. Alison Sariah Smith...great initials huh?
22. My oldest daughter does have the middle name Sariah. Anastasia Sariah Smith...her birth parents didn't think about the initials like mine did.
23. I do my laundry at the laundry-mat...would rather spend the money and have it all done in just over an hour than to face an unending battle of laundry.
24. I was in girl scouts from the age of 6 until 18 (?)
25. Just like Mary Poppins, I'm practically perfect in every way!
1. I've moved more times in my life than anyone I know. (38 times and I'm only 34 years old)
2. I have the three most beautiful kids in the world, but have never conceived a child nor given birth. Ironically, I'm always told that my middle child looks exactly like me.
3. For the first ten years after leaving high school I spent more time living outside of the US than inside. Would be nice if I could keep that up, however with kids that won't be happening any time soon.
4. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor spelling. I can deal with typos but poor spelling and the misuse of words such as too and to, or were, where, we're, etc drives me absolutely crazy.
5. I started working at my company in 1999 and still feel like a total noobie when it comes to the work. I ask myself often when I will no loner feel this way.
6. I have a degree in music education and was once placed second best university clarinetist in the state, I haven't touched my clarinet for anything serious in years and still hope to one day be a guest soloist for the Utah Symphony.
7. I have four sisters and no brothers, yet 98% of my closest friends are all males...Women tend to drive me crazy.
8. Poor parenting in public places drives me crazy and I never hesitate to tell children off who behaving poorly, such as shoving past people, talking overly loud, or just being out right obnoxious. I don't care if I know the children or their parents or not. This has gotten me into trouble with parents in the past but hey, if you taught your child manners then I, a total stranger, wouldn't have to.
9. It only occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that when I wear heels I'm nearly six feet tall. I never realized how freaking tall I am. I always thought I was of average height.
10. It never ceases to amaze me why people at the airport all just stand in lines for hours waiting to get on the plane. And that they all stand up right when the plane lands just to stand there and wait for the people in front of them. Stay seated until it's your turn...I'm just saying.
11. I enjoy crying and am not ashamed of it.
12. I absolutely love Karaoke!
13. I believe in love! I believe in falling in love and despite many a broken heart, I enjoy the feeling of falling in love and being in love and hope that I never become hardened and disbelieve in love.
14. I want my girls to know that they can be happy, healthy women and that their happiness should never be dependent upon anyone else. It can be shared with someone else but not be dependent upon anyone else.
15. I had an amazing person enter my life about a year ago who helped me realize within myself what I just mentioned in number 14. I will be eternally grateful to him!
16. I forgot who Alison was for several years of my adult life. That will never happen again to me.
17. I believe that every person has the right to marry whomever they choose!
18. Life is so much better when pets are not involved. I don't believe in having pets.
19. I still get ID'd and love it!
20. My worst ever injury is a cut on my finger that required two stitches while in the third grade.
21. My parents nearly gave me the middle name of Sariah. Alison Sariah Smith...great initials huh?
22. My oldest daughter does have the middle name Sariah. Anastasia Sariah Smith...her birth parents didn't think about the initials like mine did.
23. I do my laundry at the laundry-mat...would rather spend the money and have it all done in just over an hour than to face an unending battle of laundry.
24. I was in girl scouts from the age of 6 until 18 (?)
25. Just like Mary Poppins, I'm practically perfect in every way!
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Loaf of Bread, a Container of Milk and a Stick of Butter
For those of you old enough to remember this little clip from Sesame Street it should bring back good memories. Those of you not old enough (or perhaps too old?) can go to youtube and check it out.
I’m not one to make New Years resolutions. My memory isn’t good enough to remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone to remember a list of things I want to accomplish for an entire year! My life is in pretty good shape and I’m happy about what I’ve been able to accomplish with it. No things aren’t perfect; I could eat healthier; I could be a bit thinner; I could be in a nice, supportive, long-term relationship, I could be a better mother. But, really, who does have everything? The thing is, I’m happy with what I do have.
Looking back at who I was a year ago and who I am now I can see a drastic difference between the two people. I’m much happier, satisfied and content with me just being me. At the beginning of 2008 I hadn’t slept for a few months and was in full-on depression state. My failing marriage had come to a head and things had quickly left my grasp and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would continue on. So, I set up a mantra for myself for the remainder of the year.
Life is shit; just try to get through it without getting too much of it on you. That was my goal and something that I tried to remind myself of repeatedly throughout the year, especially when times seemed especially bleak. And, I succeeded. In fact, I got through the shit of life smelling quite sweetly, if I do say so myself.
So, I decided to set myself a new mantra for 2009. One that is slightly more positive. “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”. The young lady in this skit knew what it was that she needed to pick up from the store. She repeated it over and over to herself so when she got to the store she knew exactly what it is she wanted.
Like this young lady, I know what it is I want out of life. I think that I’ve always known. But, about ten years ago I started dating and, with the dating, for some unknown reason, started losing myself. I began being a person I thought the men in my life wanted me to be and in so doing, I lost who I was. I lost myself. Well, didn’t really lose, but forgot who it was that I really am.
Last year was a time of re-discovery. I owe a lot of this to one particular person in my life…and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you know who you are ;) You helped me to realize that I can be happy with me, just who I am. And I don’t need a man, or anyone else to validate that for me. But, I can’t overlook the work that I personally did as well. It was a fun year for me and in retrospect I’m glad that I went through it.
Now that I’m well on the way to finding Alison, it’s important for me to remember that I won’t settle for less than what I want and deserve anymore. Even if he is really hot . A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter is my reminder of who I am and what it is that I deserve.
Happy New Year to you all and I hope that if you’ve lost yourself you can find you again. If you haven’t then hold on to who you are.
I’m not one to make New Years resolutions. My memory isn’t good enough to remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone to remember a list of things I want to accomplish for an entire year! My life is in pretty good shape and I’m happy about what I’ve been able to accomplish with it. No things aren’t perfect; I could eat healthier; I could be a bit thinner; I could be in a nice, supportive, long-term relationship, I could be a better mother. But, really, who does have everything? The thing is, I’m happy with what I do have.
Looking back at who I was a year ago and who I am now I can see a drastic difference between the two people. I’m much happier, satisfied and content with me just being me. At the beginning of 2008 I hadn’t slept for a few months and was in full-on depression state. My failing marriage had come to a head and things had quickly left my grasp and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would continue on. So, I set up a mantra for myself for the remainder of the year.
Life is shit; just try to get through it without getting too much of it on you. That was my goal and something that I tried to remind myself of repeatedly throughout the year, especially when times seemed especially bleak. And, I succeeded. In fact, I got through the shit of life smelling quite sweetly, if I do say so myself.
So, I decided to set myself a new mantra for 2009. One that is slightly more positive. “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”. The young lady in this skit knew what it was that she needed to pick up from the store. She repeated it over and over to herself so when she got to the store she knew exactly what it is she wanted.
Like this young lady, I know what it is I want out of life. I think that I’ve always known. But, about ten years ago I started dating and, with the dating, for some unknown reason, started losing myself. I began being a person I thought the men in my life wanted me to be and in so doing, I lost who I was. I lost myself. Well, didn’t really lose, but forgot who it was that I really am.
Last year was a time of re-discovery. I owe a lot of this to one particular person in my life…and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you know who you are ;) You helped me to realize that I can be happy with me, just who I am. And I don’t need a man, or anyone else to validate that for me. But, I can’t overlook the work that I personally did as well. It was a fun year for me and in retrospect I’m glad that I went through it.
Now that I’m well on the way to finding Alison, it’s important for me to remember that I won’t settle for less than what I want and deserve anymore. Even if he is really hot . A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter is my reminder of who I am and what it is that I deserve.
Happy New Year to you all and I hope that if you’ve lost yourself you can find you again. If you haven’t then hold on to who you are.
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