Thomas S. Monson – April 2008
“I would encourage members of the Church wherever they may be to show kindness and respect for all people everywhere. The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.May we also demonstrate kindness and love within our own families.”
Kindness: Kindness is a quality that is mentioned on a number of occasions in the New Testament. If I were to define kindness, I would say this: a kind person is helpful, pleasant and considerate. That sums it up quite well, doesn't it? But the only problem with that definition, is that it is in English! And sometimes the English language can be a bit vague. And so, because kindness is a New Testament word, I am going to look at some Greek words for "kindness". And in fact, when you do look at the Greek, you begin to see that there is more to the quality of kindness than you would think. Because the Greek definition of kindness has something more to say about the way God operates.
But first of all, I am going to read a scripture that tells us something about love:
1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love suffers long and is kind."
"Love" in that scripture is agape in the Greek. And agape means more than just an emotion; it is the love of God: which means it always acts in the interests of others. In fact, God is agape love. And, as it says in that scripture, agape love is kind. And that is from the Greek verb chresteuomai, which means "to be kind". It is just one of a group of words in the New Testament, which are all connected with kindness. So, that one sentence alone says something about how God operates. Because He operates in love, which is kind.
But when you look at the basic meaning of "to be kind" in the Greek, you find that it means to be profitable, or useful, or to furnish a need. And when the reference is to people, what it means, is doing what is profitable for them.
So what it boils down to is this: to act out of kindness means that you identify what the person's needs are, and then you do what is necessary to meet those needs. And we find out that is exactly how Jesus operates.
Respect:
Respect is simply an accepting of what another does as good, or at least not bad relative to ones own ideas, beliefs, and prejudices. Self respect is the same.... that is, one respects oneself when one is experiencing oneself not in conflict with ones beliefs regarding what is good and proper.
Love:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." - Rebecca - age 8
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." - Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." - Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." - Nikka - age 6
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." - Lauren - age 4
Does it really matter if we don't think, feel and believe the same way? We're all just people after all, right? Love to you all!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm Too Sexy for These Crutches
For those of you who know me well, you can attest that I'm not the most amazingly graceful person in the world. I have a very high tendency to fall, for no apparent reason at all and my balance has much to be desired.
I've been to many doctors and specialists about this problem and they have all come to the same conclusion, there is nothing wrong with me and no explanation as to why I face these problems. I'm perfectly healthy (well, except for my mild spurts of insanity, but those are manageable).
I've been trying to live a healthier life in the last year or so, and have reaped the benefits (down more than 40 pounds and still going) but, I have to say that healthy living can be dangerous.
Today, for example was a perfect example of how dangerous to your health being healthy can be.
I'm wearing a pair of slacks today, which, because of the weight loss are now a bit on the big side for me. (1st healthy thing, weight loss). I went to the soup kitchen and bought some lunch and brought it back to work (ok, not so healthy, but at least it wasn't burger and fries, huh?). I opted to take the stairs to our break room...I could have taken the elevator, I never do, but I COULD have. (Another healthy choice). As I'm walking down the stairs my heels catch on the baggy part of my pants, tripping up y foot, causing me to lose my balance.
My right foot, pretty much stayed where it was, the rest of me did not...As my right foot and leg wrenched up behind me the rest of my body pretty much slid down the stairs. As I'm trying to re-evaluate within myself what just happened, I hear a loud commotion, I look up and there are two of my fellow staff members who heard me fall, just looking over me to see if I'm alright.
Of course I'm alright, just a little fall, right? Nothing to worry about. It hurts like hell though and I inhale a few choice words so as not to desecrate my colleagues, one who is heading to the temple in just a few hours. I tell them I'm fine, I stand up and, oops...I'm not fine. I can't put ANY amount of pressure on my damn foot.
One of my colleagues is kind enough to find me a rolling chair. I sit down and, of course have my priorities. I'm hungry and I don't want my food to get cold and opt to eat prior to checking it out. My dear, dear colleagues find me some ice and a bag to put it in, I prop it up and start to eat. But, man, I have to pee, something fierce. Not sure how that's going to work...all these colleagues are male, btw.
After eating, I can't stand it anymore and wheel myself into the ladies room...yada, yada, yada...thank god for grab bars!
So, Chris,the kind soul that he is drives me to the doctors office. My doctor is HOT!!! Oh man, at one point he asked me if I have any questions and I don't think I even know what he said because I was too busy just admiring him. I even asked the nurse how she gets anything done with him walking around...too bad I wasn't bold enough to go beyond mild flirting with him.
The verdict. A very bad sprain, two possible fractures that the specialist has to look at tomorrow and lortab...Did you hear the heavens open when I said that? Yes, lortab...I have to keep it elevated and do some little exercises but all in all I should mend okay.
Oh, and about the crutches...Ick...so not attractive at all! Did I mention I have balance issues, couple that with the heels and crutches and it's a site to behold. GUess I won't be doing much dancing this weekend, huh?
Cheers all and hope you have a most excellent week!
I've been to many doctors and specialists about this problem and they have all come to the same conclusion, there is nothing wrong with me and no explanation as to why I face these problems. I'm perfectly healthy (well, except for my mild spurts of insanity, but those are manageable).
I've been trying to live a healthier life in the last year or so, and have reaped the benefits (down more than 40 pounds and still going) but, I have to say that healthy living can be dangerous.
Today, for example was a perfect example of how dangerous to your health being healthy can be.
I'm wearing a pair of slacks today, which, because of the weight loss are now a bit on the big side for me. (1st healthy thing, weight loss). I went to the soup kitchen and bought some lunch and brought it back to work (ok, not so healthy, but at least it wasn't burger and fries, huh?). I opted to take the stairs to our break room...I could have taken the elevator, I never do, but I COULD have. (Another healthy choice). As I'm walking down the stairs my heels catch on the baggy part of my pants, tripping up y foot, causing me to lose my balance.
My right foot, pretty much stayed where it was, the rest of me did not...As my right foot and leg wrenched up behind me the rest of my body pretty much slid down the stairs. As I'm trying to re-evaluate within myself what just happened, I hear a loud commotion, I look up and there are two of my fellow staff members who heard me fall, just looking over me to see if I'm alright.
Of course I'm alright, just a little fall, right? Nothing to worry about. It hurts like hell though and I inhale a few choice words so as not to desecrate my colleagues, one who is heading to the temple in just a few hours. I tell them I'm fine, I stand up and, oops...I'm not fine. I can't put ANY amount of pressure on my damn foot.
One of my colleagues is kind enough to find me a rolling chair. I sit down and, of course have my priorities. I'm hungry and I don't want my food to get cold and opt to eat prior to checking it out. My dear, dear colleagues find me some ice and a bag to put it in, I prop it up and start to eat. But, man, I have to pee, something fierce. Not sure how that's going to work...all these colleagues are male, btw.
After eating, I can't stand it anymore and wheel myself into the ladies room...yada, yada, yada...thank god for grab bars!
So, Chris,the kind soul that he is drives me to the doctors office. My doctor is HOT!!! Oh man, at one point he asked me if I have any questions and I don't think I even know what he said because I was too busy just admiring him. I even asked the nurse how she gets anything done with him walking around...too bad I wasn't bold enough to go beyond mild flirting with him.
The verdict. A very bad sprain, two possible fractures that the specialist has to look at tomorrow and lortab...Did you hear the heavens open when I said that? Yes, lortab...I have to keep it elevated and do some little exercises but all in all I should mend okay.
Oh, and about the crutches...Ick...so not attractive at all! Did I mention I have balance issues, couple that with the heels and crutches and it's a site to behold. GUess I won't be doing much dancing this weekend, huh?
Cheers all and hope you have a most excellent week!
Single Moms
Sometimes I just sit and admire single mothers. I don't know how they do it full-time, working to pay the bills, cooking meals, getting the kids off to school/daycare on time, keeping the house from falling down, and everything else they have to do.
I just spent the last ten days with my kids. This is the longest amount of time I've spent with them since the separation/divorce and man, was it tough.
Granted, I only have a one bedroom apartment so all of us are basically on top of one another for the entire ten days and that alone is a challenge. Every day at work I got multiple, and by multiple I mean about 20, phone calls about various and random things, all of which were prefaced by being emergencies "Mom, this is an emergency, we can't find the pasta you sent with us for lunch today", "Mom, this is an emergency, I tripped and fell on the carpet, it hurt", "Mom, this is an emergency, I just went poop for the first time today", "Mom, I just needed to call you and tell you that I love you".
I'll admit that last one is very, very sweet...but that one only came after a long lecture about what an emergency is and that if I get another phone call that isn't an emergency I'm going to go "mommy mad" when I get home.
Do you know what Mommy Mad is? I promise, it's something you don't want to ever see if you haven't seen it. It's a frightening site for all parties involved, especially mommy.
Back to single moms. For all of you single moms out there, I give you props, I know it's tough and overwhelming and sometimes you just wish there was a time when you could have someone to bounce it all off with; Thank you all for your great work!
I just spent the last ten days with my kids. This is the longest amount of time I've spent with them since the separation/divorce and man, was it tough.
Granted, I only have a one bedroom apartment so all of us are basically on top of one another for the entire ten days and that alone is a challenge. Every day at work I got multiple, and by multiple I mean about 20, phone calls about various and random things, all of which were prefaced by being emergencies "Mom, this is an emergency, we can't find the pasta you sent with us for lunch today", "Mom, this is an emergency, I tripped and fell on the carpet, it hurt", "Mom, this is an emergency, I just went poop for the first time today", "Mom, I just needed to call you and tell you that I love you".
I'll admit that last one is very, very sweet...but that one only came after a long lecture about what an emergency is and that if I get another phone call that isn't an emergency I'm going to go "mommy mad" when I get home.
Do you know what Mommy Mad is? I promise, it's something you don't want to ever see if you haven't seen it. It's a frightening site for all parties involved, especially mommy.
Back to single moms. For all of you single moms out there, I give you props, I know it's tough and overwhelming and sometimes you just wish there was a time when you could have someone to bounce it all off with; Thank you all for your great work!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Random Things
Rules:Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you (or just couldn't think of anyone else likely to do it).
1. I've moved more times in my life than anyone I know. (38 times and I'm only 34 years old)
2. I have the three most beautiful kids in the world, but have never conceived a child nor given birth. Ironically, I'm always told that my middle child looks exactly like me.
3. For the first ten years after leaving high school I spent more time living outside of the US than inside. Would be nice if I could keep that up, however with kids that won't be happening any time soon.
4. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor spelling. I can deal with typos but poor spelling and the misuse of words such as too and to, or were, where, we're, etc drives me absolutely crazy.
5. I started working at my company in 1999 and still feel like a total noobie when it comes to the work. I ask myself often when I will no loner feel this way.
6. I have a degree in music education and was once placed second best university clarinetist in the state, I haven't touched my clarinet for anything serious in years and still hope to one day be a guest soloist for the Utah Symphony.
7. I have four sisters and no brothers, yet 98% of my closest friends are all males...Women tend to drive me crazy.
8. Poor parenting in public places drives me crazy and I never hesitate to tell children off who behaving poorly, such as shoving past people, talking overly loud, or just being out right obnoxious. I don't care if I know the children or their parents or not. This has gotten me into trouble with parents in the past but hey, if you taught your child manners then I, a total stranger, wouldn't have to.
9. It only occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that when I wear heels I'm nearly six feet tall. I never realized how freaking tall I am. I always thought I was of average height.
10. It never ceases to amaze me why people at the airport all just stand in lines for hours waiting to get on the plane. And that they all stand up right when the plane lands just to stand there and wait for the people in front of them. Stay seated until it's your turn...I'm just saying.
11. I enjoy crying and am not ashamed of it.
12. I absolutely love Karaoke!
13. I believe in love! I believe in falling in love and despite many a broken heart, I enjoy the feeling of falling in love and being in love and hope that I never become hardened and disbelieve in love.
14. I want my girls to know that they can be happy, healthy women and that their happiness should never be dependent upon anyone else. It can be shared with someone else but not be dependent upon anyone else.
15. I had an amazing person enter my life about a year ago who helped me realize within myself what I just mentioned in number 14. I will be eternally grateful to him!
16. I forgot who Alison was for several years of my adult life. That will never happen again to me.
17. I believe that every person has the right to marry whomever they choose!
18. Life is so much better when pets are not involved. I don't believe in having pets.
19. I still get ID'd and love it!
20. My worst ever injury is a cut on my finger that required two stitches while in the third grade.
21. My parents nearly gave me the middle name of Sariah. Alison Sariah Smith...great initials huh?
22. My oldest daughter does have the middle name Sariah. Anastasia Sariah Smith...her birth parents didn't think about the initials like mine did.
23. I do my laundry at the laundry-mat...would rather spend the money and have it all done in just over an hour than to face an unending battle of laundry.
24. I was in girl scouts from the age of 6 until 18 (?)
25. Just like Mary Poppins, I'm practically perfect in every way!
1. I've moved more times in my life than anyone I know. (38 times and I'm only 34 years old)
2. I have the three most beautiful kids in the world, but have never conceived a child nor given birth. Ironically, I'm always told that my middle child looks exactly like me.
3. For the first ten years after leaving high school I spent more time living outside of the US than inside. Would be nice if I could keep that up, however with kids that won't be happening any time soon.
4. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor spelling. I can deal with typos but poor spelling and the misuse of words such as too and to, or were, where, we're, etc drives me absolutely crazy.
5. I started working at my company in 1999 and still feel like a total noobie when it comes to the work. I ask myself often when I will no loner feel this way.
6. I have a degree in music education and was once placed second best university clarinetist in the state, I haven't touched my clarinet for anything serious in years and still hope to one day be a guest soloist for the Utah Symphony.
7. I have four sisters and no brothers, yet 98% of my closest friends are all males...Women tend to drive me crazy.
8. Poor parenting in public places drives me crazy and I never hesitate to tell children off who behaving poorly, such as shoving past people, talking overly loud, or just being out right obnoxious. I don't care if I know the children or their parents or not. This has gotten me into trouble with parents in the past but hey, if you taught your child manners then I, a total stranger, wouldn't have to.
9. It only occurred to me in the last couple of weeks that when I wear heels I'm nearly six feet tall. I never realized how freaking tall I am. I always thought I was of average height.
10. It never ceases to amaze me why people at the airport all just stand in lines for hours waiting to get on the plane. And that they all stand up right when the plane lands just to stand there and wait for the people in front of them. Stay seated until it's your turn...I'm just saying.
11. I enjoy crying and am not ashamed of it.
12. I absolutely love Karaoke!
13. I believe in love! I believe in falling in love and despite many a broken heart, I enjoy the feeling of falling in love and being in love and hope that I never become hardened and disbelieve in love.
14. I want my girls to know that they can be happy, healthy women and that their happiness should never be dependent upon anyone else. It can be shared with someone else but not be dependent upon anyone else.
15. I had an amazing person enter my life about a year ago who helped me realize within myself what I just mentioned in number 14. I will be eternally grateful to him!
16. I forgot who Alison was for several years of my adult life. That will never happen again to me.
17. I believe that every person has the right to marry whomever they choose!
18. Life is so much better when pets are not involved. I don't believe in having pets.
19. I still get ID'd and love it!
20. My worst ever injury is a cut on my finger that required two stitches while in the third grade.
21. My parents nearly gave me the middle name of Sariah. Alison Sariah Smith...great initials huh?
22. My oldest daughter does have the middle name Sariah. Anastasia Sariah Smith...her birth parents didn't think about the initials like mine did.
23. I do my laundry at the laundry-mat...would rather spend the money and have it all done in just over an hour than to face an unending battle of laundry.
24. I was in girl scouts from the age of 6 until 18 (?)
25. Just like Mary Poppins, I'm practically perfect in every way!
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Loaf of Bread, a Container of Milk and a Stick of Butter
For those of you old enough to remember this little clip from Sesame Street it should bring back good memories. Those of you not old enough (or perhaps too old?) can go to youtube and check it out.
I’m not one to make New Years resolutions. My memory isn’t good enough to remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone to remember a list of things I want to accomplish for an entire year! My life is in pretty good shape and I’m happy about what I’ve been able to accomplish with it. No things aren’t perfect; I could eat healthier; I could be a bit thinner; I could be in a nice, supportive, long-term relationship, I could be a better mother. But, really, who does have everything? The thing is, I’m happy with what I do have.
Looking back at who I was a year ago and who I am now I can see a drastic difference between the two people. I’m much happier, satisfied and content with me just being me. At the beginning of 2008 I hadn’t slept for a few months and was in full-on depression state. My failing marriage had come to a head and things had quickly left my grasp and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would continue on. So, I set up a mantra for myself for the remainder of the year.
Life is shit; just try to get through it without getting too much of it on you. That was my goal and something that I tried to remind myself of repeatedly throughout the year, especially when times seemed especially bleak. And, I succeeded. In fact, I got through the shit of life smelling quite sweetly, if I do say so myself.
So, I decided to set myself a new mantra for 2009. One that is slightly more positive. “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”. The young lady in this skit knew what it was that she needed to pick up from the store. She repeated it over and over to herself so when she got to the store she knew exactly what it is she wanted.
Like this young lady, I know what it is I want out of life. I think that I’ve always known. But, about ten years ago I started dating and, with the dating, for some unknown reason, started losing myself. I began being a person I thought the men in my life wanted me to be and in so doing, I lost who I was. I lost myself. Well, didn’t really lose, but forgot who it was that I really am.
Last year was a time of re-discovery. I owe a lot of this to one particular person in my life…and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you know who you are ;) You helped me to realize that I can be happy with me, just who I am. And I don’t need a man, or anyone else to validate that for me. But, I can’t overlook the work that I personally did as well. It was a fun year for me and in retrospect I’m glad that I went through it.
Now that I’m well on the way to finding Alison, it’s important for me to remember that I won’t settle for less than what I want and deserve anymore. Even if he is really hot . A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter is my reminder of who I am and what it is that I deserve.
Happy New Year to you all and I hope that if you’ve lost yourself you can find you again. If you haven’t then hold on to who you are.
I’m not one to make New Years resolutions. My memory isn’t good enough to remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone to remember a list of things I want to accomplish for an entire year! My life is in pretty good shape and I’m happy about what I’ve been able to accomplish with it. No things aren’t perfect; I could eat healthier; I could be a bit thinner; I could be in a nice, supportive, long-term relationship, I could be a better mother. But, really, who does have everything? The thing is, I’m happy with what I do have.
Looking back at who I was a year ago and who I am now I can see a drastic difference between the two people. I’m much happier, satisfied and content with me just being me. At the beginning of 2008 I hadn’t slept for a few months and was in full-on depression state. My failing marriage had come to a head and things had quickly left my grasp and I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would continue on. So, I set up a mantra for myself for the remainder of the year.
Life is shit; just try to get through it without getting too much of it on you. That was my goal and something that I tried to remind myself of repeatedly throughout the year, especially when times seemed especially bleak. And, I succeeded. In fact, I got through the shit of life smelling quite sweetly, if I do say so myself.
So, I decided to set myself a new mantra for 2009. One that is slightly more positive. “A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter”. The young lady in this skit knew what it was that she needed to pick up from the store. She repeated it over and over to herself so when she got to the store she knew exactly what it is she wanted.
Like this young lady, I know what it is I want out of life. I think that I’ve always known. But, about ten years ago I started dating and, with the dating, for some unknown reason, started losing myself. I began being a person I thought the men in my life wanted me to be and in so doing, I lost who I was. I lost myself. Well, didn’t really lose, but forgot who it was that I really am.
Last year was a time of re-discovery. I owe a lot of this to one particular person in my life…and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you know who you are ;) You helped me to realize that I can be happy with me, just who I am. And I don’t need a man, or anyone else to validate that for me. But, I can’t overlook the work that I personally did as well. It was a fun year for me and in retrospect I’m glad that I went through it.
Now that I’m well on the way to finding Alison, it’s important for me to remember that I won’t settle for less than what I want and deserve anymore. Even if he is really hot . A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a stick of butter is my reminder of who I am and what it is that I deserve.
Happy New Year to you all and I hope that if you’ve lost yourself you can find you again. If you haven’t then hold on to who you are.
Monday, November 10, 2008
These are not my thoughts but things I've been thinking about for a few days.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
The Tricky part is when you think someone is there for a lifetime and they're really there for one of the other reasons.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Crazy Dream
So I had the craziest dream last night about my kids and I have no idea what it's supposed to mean or what inner fears I'm having about the kids but, here it goes.
In my dream we were at one of the many homes that we lived in as children. It's the house which, for some reason, I have most of my dreams about although I don't think we lived there very long. It's a little three story place on a small hill (as a child I thought the hill was HUGE) and in front there was a very big tree. When entering the front door the kitchen was to your right and the living room to your left. There was an opening between each of these rooms on both end and at the far end was a set of stairs. Up the stairs were three bedrooms and a bathroom. From the kitchen there was a door leading out to the carport as well as a set of stair going down to the basement. The basement had a large family room and bedroom. This bedroom was usually my parent's room. The kids usually slept upstairs. Now, my description of the house may not be entirely accurate but what is important is this is how the house always appears in my dreams.
In this particular dream there was a large crowd of people assembled at the house. Mostly all were adults. There was also a man dressed as a judge, wearing the whole black robe thing. There was some sort of hearing or determination going on in the basement and most of the people were congregated down there.
The purpose of the gathering was to determine who would be more fit to be parents to my children than Ado and I. There were many people there and apparently my kids were in high demand. There were couples there from all walks of life; racially diverse, socially diverse, religiously diverse, economically diverse, etc.
I was sitting on the front lawn underneath the tree and was very distressed. I couldn't believe this was happening and that someone thought that for SOME reason I was an unfit mother. As I was sitting, distressed, on the front lawn a very attractive man whom I knew (although I really don't know who this man was) approached me and asked what was going on and why I was crying. I began to tell him about the day and why everyone was here. The telling of the story brought more tears to me and I began sobbing. This man, with incredibly blue eyes, leaned in to kiss me, in an attempt to calm me down. I was appalled that he would think such an action was appropriate or that it would help me in any way. I quickly withdrew and slapped him across the face. He tried again and I again slapped him and told him off.
At this point some strange things happened. I walked in the front door to the house (which in itself is unusual because we always used the carport door as children) and saw a young couple having sex on the floor. I shouted at them and they both jumped up and pulled on their pants. "How dare you have sex in MY house and on MY floor. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Leave now. Leave!" They tried to protest my kicking them out but I wasn't going to hear of it and they eventually left.
I knew that I had to do something to save my kids to ensure that they stay with Me and Ado, even though we are no longer together. I knew in my heart that we were better parents apart than any of the people there were together. At one point I said to someone "I may not have pushed them out but they are still MY kids. I taught them what they know, I've cared for them and provided for them! They are, in all intents and purposes mine!" I got the feeling that for some reason they couldn't be with Ado AND me. That they had to be with a two parent family and this is why the whole proceedings were happening. Since Ado has no biological connection to him he had to fight for them just as much as everyone else did. Although they are biologically connected to me I was unfit simply because I was a single parent.
I felt lost and confused and all alone. I couldn't find Ado and was frustrated that he wasn't there fighting for the kids. I had seen him there earlier in the day but he hadn't shown up yet after the lunch break. I was beginning to panic. They had to be with me or Ado. I had no family there to support my cause and I was looking all over for Todd who was some how lost in the crowd. I also knew, somehow that he was there but I just couldn't find him.
I went down into the basement to look for the judge. I had to plead my case! The judge was no where to be found, just people looking at me and judging me for being a single parent and thinking how awful I am for trying to raise them in such an environment.
I pled my case to anyone that would listen. Crying intermittently. Sobbing every so often. I am their aunt. I love them, I can provide for them and they should be with me or Ado before they're placed with some total strangers. They love us, they respect us, they feel protected around us, they know they can count on us. Finally I was told that the judge was meeting individually with each of the candidates to review their financial ability to support the children. I knew that my income was much lower than many of the people there but that it was also sufficient to provide for my kids. I had to find the judge. I went upstairs and he was coming in the carport door. I was introduced to him by Todd and he was very polite to me, except that when I told him who I was and why I was there he brushed me off, moving quickly down the stairs.
I followed him telling him that I had the right to voice my opinion, that I had the right to be considered, just like everyone else. He just wasn't listening to me or what I had to say. Then I saw Ado come in and was so grateful. I told him he had to go discuss his finances with the judge. I told him that they won't even consider me and it's up to him now to save our kids from spending the rest of their lives with total strangers.
I again began to cry and at this point my alarm went off and Loni stirred next to me in bed. I turned off the alarm, rolled over and wrapped my arms around my little man so thankful that he was there and he was safe. I felt happy and content and pleased to have my children with me for the week. I fell back asleep and didn't care if I was going to be late for work. My family was safe and there was nothing to worry about.
In my dream we were at one of the many homes that we lived in as children. It's the house which, for some reason, I have most of my dreams about although I don't think we lived there very long. It's a little three story place on a small hill (as a child I thought the hill was HUGE) and in front there was a very big tree. When entering the front door the kitchen was to your right and the living room to your left. There was an opening between each of these rooms on both end and at the far end was a set of stairs. Up the stairs were three bedrooms and a bathroom. From the kitchen there was a door leading out to the carport as well as a set of stair going down to the basement. The basement had a large family room and bedroom. This bedroom was usually my parent's room. The kids usually slept upstairs. Now, my description of the house may not be entirely accurate but what is important is this is how the house always appears in my dreams.
In this particular dream there was a large crowd of people assembled at the house. Mostly all were adults. There was also a man dressed as a judge, wearing the whole black robe thing. There was some sort of hearing or determination going on in the basement and most of the people were congregated down there.
The purpose of the gathering was to determine who would be more fit to be parents to my children than Ado and I. There were many people there and apparently my kids were in high demand. There were couples there from all walks of life; racially diverse, socially diverse, religiously diverse, economically diverse, etc.
I was sitting on the front lawn underneath the tree and was very distressed. I couldn't believe this was happening and that someone thought that for SOME reason I was an unfit mother. As I was sitting, distressed, on the front lawn a very attractive man whom I knew (although I really don't know who this man was) approached me and asked what was going on and why I was crying. I began to tell him about the day and why everyone was here. The telling of the story brought more tears to me and I began sobbing. This man, with incredibly blue eyes, leaned in to kiss me, in an attempt to calm me down. I was appalled that he would think such an action was appropriate or that it would help me in any way. I quickly withdrew and slapped him across the face. He tried again and I again slapped him and told him off.
At this point some strange things happened. I walked in the front door to the house (which in itself is unusual because we always used the carport door as children) and saw a young couple having sex on the floor. I shouted at them and they both jumped up and pulled on their pants. "How dare you have sex in MY house and on MY floor. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Leave now. Leave!" They tried to protest my kicking them out but I wasn't going to hear of it and they eventually left.
I knew that I had to do something to save my kids to ensure that they stay with Me and Ado, even though we are no longer together. I knew in my heart that we were better parents apart than any of the people there were together. At one point I said to someone "I may not have pushed them out but they are still MY kids. I taught them what they know, I've cared for them and provided for them! They are, in all intents and purposes mine!" I got the feeling that for some reason they couldn't be with Ado AND me. That they had to be with a two parent family and this is why the whole proceedings were happening. Since Ado has no biological connection to him he had to fight for them just as much as everyone else did. Although they are biologically connected to me I was unfit simply because I was a single parent.
I felt lost and confused and all alone. I couldn't find Ado and was frustrated that he wasn't there fighting for the kids. I had seen him there earlier in the day but he hadn't shown up yet after the lunch break. I was beginning to panic. They had to be with me or Ado. I had no family there to support my cause and I was looking all over for Todd who was some how lost in the crowd. I also knew, somehow that he was there but I just couldn't find him.
I went down into the basement to look for the judge. I had to plead my case! The judge was no where to be found, just people looking at me and judging me for being a single parent and thinking how awful I am for trying to raise them in such an environment.
I pled my case to anyone that would listen. Crying intermittently. Sobbing every so often. I am their aunt. I love them, I can provide for them and they should be with me or Ado before they're placed with some total strangers. They love us, they respect us, they feel protected around us, they know they can count on us. Finally I was told that the judge was meeting individually with each of the candidates to review their financial ability to support the children. I knew that my income was much lower than many of the people there but that it was also sufficient to provide for my kids. I had to find the judge. I went upstairs and he was coming in the carport door. I was introduced to him by Todd and he was very polite to me, except that when I told him who I was and why I was there he brushed me off, moving quickly down the stairs.
I followed him telling him that I had the right to voice my opinion, that I had the right to be considered, just like everyone else. He just wasn't listening to me or what I had to say. Then I saw Ado come in and was so grateful. I told him he had to go discuss his finances with the judge. I told him that they won't even consider me and it's up to him now to save our kids from spending the rest of their lives with total strangers.
I again began to cry and at this point my alarm went off and Loni stirred next to me in bed. I turned off the alarm, rolled over and wrapped my arms around my little man so thankful that he was there and he was safe. I felt happy and content and pleased to have my children with me for the week. I fell back asleep and didn't care if I was going to be late for work. My family was safe and there was nothing to worry about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
